


When You Smile I Am Undone

by dayone



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, F/F, F/M, Genderfluid Character, Henry Laurens' A+ Parenting, John fed him do you honestly think he's gonna leave, Laf Herc and Alex are roommates, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Philip's a cat, Philip's also a matchmaker, that's laf, undertones of depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-25
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-08-11 00:44:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7868482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dayone/pseuds/dayone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Alex finds Philip soaking wet on a rainy day in April, the kitten immediately becomes an essential part of the family. When he goes missing two years later, Alex had no idea that Philip would extend their family even more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When You Smile I Am Undone

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: in Alex's thoughts (the italics), there's descriptions of cat death/injury (the consequences of falling out a window), it's sort of descriptive but nothing graphic, but if I need to add a better warning please let me know. Also this is only edited by me, so all mistakes are mine (but if you want to help me, either message me on tumblr [flowergirlmulligan] or leave a comment below)

It was a rainy April day when Alex finds Philip. He’s walking home from work, because the subway just _had_ to flood today of all days. Usually Alex tries to avoid rain, even though he’s gotten a lot better with it since he moved to New York. When he first came to America almost a decade ago, he couldn’t even listen to the sound of rain without flashbacks to the hurricane.

_If only you could see me now,_ he thinks as he crosses the street, _you wouldn’t believe what I’ve done, Ma._ As he reaches the other side of the street, an aggressive taxi driver heads a bit too close to the other sidewalk, spraying two teenage girls, who scream as the cold rain water hits them. _But there’s still at least a million things I haven’t done yet, Ma, but just you wait._

His thoughts are broken up when he hears his phone ringing. Alex retreats under a hotel awning, pulling out his phone as he does so. The screen displays a photo of one of his best friends and roommate, Lafayette, from St. Patrick’s Day, with Laf completely decked out in anything green, completed by a, slightly smudged, rainbow arcing across their face. There was also a bright blue stain running down their shirt that looked suspiciously like the shots that had done earlier in the day.

Alex smiles at the photo as he answers the phone, and hears Lafayette’s animated voice drown out the rain. It’s just a quick phone call, a reminder to pick up apples on the way home, and Alex is soon on his way back to their apartment. That is until he hears a small meow right before he steps back into the rain. Alex turns towards the sound and looks at the corner of the doorway. There he finds a small dirty lump that is vaguely cat shaped.

He walks over and crouches down beside the cat, holding out his hand for him to sniff. The cat stands up at stretches their neck to smell Alex’s hand. _Jeez, this cat is small,_ Alex notes with a bit of surprise, _he must still be a kitten._ The kitten, after doing the most through smelling Alex had ever seen, takes a few steps closer and tentatively licks his hand.

“Hey buddy.” Alex coos, as he flips his hand over to scratch the kitten’s head. The kitten pushes their head into Alex’s hand and starts to purr. “Well, aren’t you just the cutest?” Alex continues cooing and draws his hand back. The kitten takes this opportunity to leap into his arms and to start burrowing their head into Alex’s elbow. Alex gets an overwhelming feeling to just get up and bring the kitten home, other people be damned.

_No, I can’t do that, what if there are someone’s family pet? But I just can’t leave him out in the rain. What about Lafayette though, you can’t just walk home and thrust a cat into their life. But Lafayette would love it, they can’t shut up about Adrienne’s cat. But the kitten might be someone else’s._ After a few minutes of minor internal debates, Alex decides that _yes, his roommate will forgive him if he comes home with a random cat_ and that he will look for a collar or identification and keep an eye out for any “LOST CAT” flyers. _If neither of us see any flyers, then we’ll keep him._

Alex turns his attention back to the kitten in his arms. “You’re coming home with me, is that okay?” The kitten looks up at him and meows. “Is that a yes? I’m taking that as a yes.” He shuffles around, trying not to dislodge the cat too much and eventually frees one of his hands to grab his phone. As soon as he gets a decent grip on it, he’s calling Lafayette back. Luckily, they pick up on the second ring.

“Mon petit lion, is everything alright?” Lafayette’s concerned and confused voice floods through Alex’s speaker.

“Hey, Laf. Don’t worry everything’s okay. Actually, I have a question for you.” Alex responds, getting up from his crouched position and covering the kitten as much as possible. He steels himself to go back out into the rain, new phone be damned because the poor kitten is shivering.

“Do they not have Gala apples? Any other apple is fine, just not the green ones, you know this Alex.” Alex is confused with Lafayette’s response momentarily, forgetting that he was _supposed_ to be getting apples.

“Funny story, Laf, I’m not actually in the store right now.” Alex gets interrupted by a multitude of questions from Lafayette, ranging from _then what are you doing?_ to _are you sure you’re okay?_ Alex laughs lightly both amused and touched by his friend’s concern. “I may or may not have conditionally adopted a kitten.” There were a few moments of silence until they finally respond.

“You did _what_ , mon ami?”

“I found him under a hotel awning, he’s so small, and he’s _shivering,_ Laf. You can’t just expect me to leave him behind.” Alex rapidly defends himself while dodging other people on the street, trying to protect the kitten and get home as soon as possible.

“Does he have a name yet?” Lafayette asks.

“Not that I know of.” Alex replies, jostling the kitten a little. He directs his voice at the kitten, trying to see what he’ll respond to. “Hey, buddy, we need to give you a name okay?” The kitten pokes his head out of Alex’s jacket. Between the rain and him rubbing against Alex, the majority of the dirt has come off of his face, revealing white and grey fur. “You look like a Philip, you know that?” The kitten, Philip, meows quietly and rubs his head against Alex’s chest. “Okay then, Philip it is.”

Alex turns back to his phone and addresses Lafayette again to tell him of the update, only for them to tell him they had heard the entire conversation. After saying they will meet him at the pet shop near their apartment, they hung up. As Alex puts his phone away, he looks down to Philip.

“Well, Philip, welcome to the family.”

* * *

After a few months without seeing any posters for a lost white and grey cat, Lafayette and Alex had been delighted to Officially Adopted Philip. Since that day in April, two years have passed, Lafayette and Alex had both graduated, changed apartments, and gained a new roommate, Hercules Mulligan.

Philip had become a necessary member of the family by becoming Alex’s “caretaker”. On days where Alex would work nonstop and completely ignore Lafayette and Hercules, Philip would jump up on Alex’s knee and meow until he looked down. On days where the rain was just too hard or there were one too many insensitive comments and when Alex would curl up in his bed, Philip would be right there with his roommates, helping Alex.

This is why, on a brisk Friday morning in late September, he is a bit concerned when he wakes up without Philip on his extra pillow, where he has slept since Alex found him as a kitten. Alex calls out to Philip, a bit quieter than he would’ve liked because Laf is still sleeping in the room next to his. When Alex’s calls aren’t followed up by the white and grey cat bounding into his room, Alex’s minor concern turns to panic.

_Where is he? What if he’s stuck behind one of our dressers? He’s been here for a year, he knows what he can and can’t fit behind. What if he fell jumping from the top of Herc’s dresser? What if he’s hurt?_ Alex can hear his breathing speeding up and forces the thoughts out of his head, in favour of trying to steady his breathing.

_There’s no point in panicking, you have to go to work and having a panic attack in your room will not help Philip’s predicament. Philip—_ Alex shakes his head to try to stop his thoughts from circling back onto themselves. _No. Philip is probably just either in the kitchen or in Laf’s closet and can’t hear me, he’s okay. It’s okay. It’s all okay, you can breathe. In, two, three, four. En espera, dos, tres, cuatro. En dehors, deux, trois, quatre. Again, in, two, three, four. En espera, dos, tres, cuatro. En dehors, deux, trois, quatre. Okay. Deep breath, you’re okay, Philip’s okay, everyone’s okay._

With that in mind, he gets ready for work, brushing his teeth, buttoning up his shirt, and buckling up his belt after tucking in his shirt. Just in case Philip did get stuck behind his dresser, he’s done that one too many times for Alex’s liking, he walks over and looks for Philip. He also checks behind his bookcase, just for good measure, although he knows Philip knows to avoid that bookcase after a mishap in their first year of having him, where despite how small Philip is, he had just enough weight to cause the already overflowing bookshelf to fall front down onto the floor.

Alex is just finishing up tying his tie when he walks into the kitchen. He grabs a water bottle and a protein bar, as the extra searching and his whirling thoughts took up the time he usually uses to make a half decent meal. Mid-way through eating his protein bar, Alex looks over to see their kitchen window slightly open from last night. It had started to get a bit stuffy in the apartment so Lafayette had decided to open a window. Apparently, they had forgotten to close it when they went to bed.

“Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no.” Alex mutters under his breath while he runs over to the window. He leans out and calls, “Philip!” When it comes back unanswered, he leans back into the apartment and says softly, “Philip?”

He picks up his breakfast and throws it out, his appetite gone along with Philip. _What if he fell?_ _What if he got hurt? Is he wandering around the streets like he was before? Or worse, what if he did fall and didn’t make it? Will I need to go and collect his body from the concrete sidewalk? Or will he be trampled like roadkill on a hi—_

“Alexander?” A familiar voice reaches Alex’s ears and he feels two solid hands on his shoulders. “You are in New York, it’s 7:39 a.m., you’re Alexander Hamilton, and you are twenty six years old. I am—“

“Lafayette, my roommate, and Hercules is at work already.” Alex completes, opening his eyes. He didn’t even remember closing them.

“What’s wrong, mon ami?” Lafayette asks. They still have both of their hands on Alex’s shoulders and searches Alex’s face for any usual evidence of his usual flashbacks. “There’s no storm, what else could it be?”

Alex looks up at them with a look of complete heartbreak on his face and simply says, “Philip.”

Lafayette jerks back with worry written all over their face and grabs Alex’s hands.

“Philip? What’s wrong with Philip? Is he sick?” Their worry and rapid fire questions comfort Alex a little, _see they didn’t mean to leave the window open. None of you did. But what if—_

“Alex?” Lafayette prompts, after Alex hadn’t responded.

He shakes his head is response and mumbles an indistinguishable “gone” under his breath.

“You need to speak up, I didn’t quite, how you say, catch that?” Lafayette tells him gently.

Alex doesn’t bother to tell Lafayette he got the idiom correct, but looks them in the eye and says, “He’s gone, Laf.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me on tumblr @flowergirlmulligan, I take requests for little short fics or if you just want to talk, please swing by!!  
> Next chapter: John is brought into the narrative!


End file.
